Midlife is when the growth of the hair on our legs slows down. This gives us plenty of time to care for our newly acquired mustache.  

Mid-life is when you go to the doctor and you realize you are now so old, you have to pay someone to look at you naked.

The good news about mid-life is that the glass is still half-full.  Of course, the bad news is that it won't be long before your teeth are floating in it.

Mid-life women no longer have upper arms, we have wingspans ... we are no longer women in sleeveless shirts, we are flying squirrels in drag. 

Mid-life has hit you when you stand naked in front of a mirror and can see your rear end without turning around.

You know you are getting old when you go for a mammogram and you realize it is the only time someone will ask you to appear topless in film.

You know you've crossed the mid-life threshold when you're in the grocery store and you hear a version of "Stairway to Heaven"...not by Led Zepplin...and you can sing every word.

Mid-life brings the wisdom that life throws you curves ... and that you're now sitting on your biggest ones.

It's very hard to "get jiggy with it" in mid-life ... jiggly, yes; jiggy, no.

Mid-life is when you want to grab every firm young lovely in a tube top and scream, "Listen, honey, even the Roman Empire fell, and those things will too!"

Mid-life can bring out your angry, bitter side.  You look at your latte-swilling, beeper-wearing know-it-all teenager and think, "For this I have stretch marks?"

Mid-life is when you start to repeat yourself ... and your chins follow suit.

Mid-life is when your memory really starts to go.  The only thing you still retain is water.

You become more reflective in mid-life.  You start pondering the "big" questions -- what is life, why am I here ... how much Healthy Choice ice cream can I eat before it's no longer a healthy choice.

Hope you've enjoyed these chuckles...did YOU see yourself in more than a few of them?????