• You and your teeth don't sleep together
  

• You try to straighten out the wrinkles in your socks and discover you aren't wearing any
  (and when the heck did I acquire my mother's arms???)
  

• At the breakfast table you hear snap, crackle, pop and you're not eating cereal
  

• Your back goes out but you stay home
  (make mine hips...I've always been a very "hip" person <giggle>)
  

• You wake up looking like your driver's license picture
  

• It takes two tries to get up from the couch
  (actually, that happened when I was pregnant)
  

• Your idea of a night out is sitting on the patio
  (or inside under the air conditioner is just fine with me)
  

• Happy hour is a nap
  (amen!!!)
  

• You're on vacation and your energy runs out before your money does
  (you mean there's any other way?????...although with one daughter - and soon two - in college, this prolly will no longer be a problem <S>)
  

• You say something to your kids that your mother said to you and you always hated it
  (and my older daughter is now saying some of those same things as "words of wisdom" to the younger one!!)
  

• All you want for your birthday is to not be reminded of your age
  (just send money)
  

• You step off a curb and look down one more time to make sure the street is still there
  (dern trifocals)
  

• Your idea of weight lifting is standing up
  (but don't I get a prize for the amount of weight I'm able to lift??)
  

• It takes longer to rest than it did to get tired
  (by a long shot!!!!!)
  

• Your memory is shorter and your complaining lasts longer
  (memory...memory...I vaguely remember something by that name)
  

• Your address book has mostly names that start with Dr.
  

• You sit in a rocking chair and can't get it going
  (don't laugh...it happens)
  

• The pharmacist has become your new best friend
  (it's a tie between him and the mechanic)
  

• Getting "lucky" means you found your car in the parking lot
  (or you have an entire day without obligations)
  

• The twinkle in your eye is merely a reflection from the sun on your bifocals
  

• It takes twice as long - to look half as good
  (not my fault!!...it's these blasted circles under my eyes!...and these twin chins...and these wrinkles that appeared out of nowhere...and these dimples on my thighs...and...and...and)
  

• Everything hurts, and what doesn't hurt, doesn't work
  (happens to you, too????)
  

• You look for your glasses for half an hour and they were on your head the whole time
  (like I'm gonna admit this one)
  

• You sink your teeth into a steak - and they stay there
  

• You give up all your bad habits and still don't feel good
  

• You have more patience, but it is actually that you just don't care anymore
  (except about that happy hour nap)
  

• You finally get your head together and your body starts falling apart
  (yes...yes...that's right...I have my head together...now if I could just remember where I put it)
  

• You wonder how you could be over the hill when you don't even remember being on top of it
  (but ain't the sliding part fun!!!)

Hope you've enjoyed these chuckles.